Uneasy

Sometimes I feel like people can see right through me; like they can see the games I play right down to the insecurity. From the people I work with to the people I simply talk to on a daily basis, it's like they know me... or think they know me... or I'm just paranoid that they just might. I could accept the fact that I'm transparent if only I didn't spend my life trying not to be. I don't appreciate people seeing all my insides without being invited or without even asking first, to be polite. To get past the thick skin that's evolved around my internals, one must prove they want to. I don't like it when people somehow manage their way in through trickery and deceit only for me to find that they didn't want to stay there long. So, walking around my job, feeling like everyone can see through me and all the games I play to either catalyze a situation or simply numb it out, makes me feel like I've got no control over the gateway to me, to my heart. It makes me feel uneasy.